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True Blood Is Fictional, Vampires Are Not Real. (maybe you should write this down)

This aren’t excepts from the latest Sookie Stackhouse novel, here are three “vampire” arrests in the last three months:

On a not dark and stormy night in St. Petersburg, FL, Milton Ellis, 69, was sleeping in his motorized wheelchair outside a vacant Hooters location; just minding his own business. He awoke to find Josephine Rebecca Smith, 22, of Pensacola, on top of him claiming to be a vampire and bitting off chunks of his face and part of his lip. He escaped to a nearby Shell gas station. Police found Smith there, half naked and covered in blood, saying she had no idea what happened or why her clothes were off. (What, did she glamour herself?!)

She was arrested on a charge of aggravated battery on an elderly person, with a $50,000 bail.

A Galvaston, Texas man claiming to be a vampire got to spend a little quality time in a coffin ah la country jail style, after he attacked a woman. The 19 year old was held on charges of burglary with intent to commit assault after forcing his way into the apartment of a woman he didn’t know.

He growled and hissed while biting and hitting the woman in her bed before dragging her outside where she broke free. When police arrived they had to chase him, and when caught he proclaimed, “I’m a vampire, and I’ve been alive for over 500 years,” He then begged for restraints because he didn’t want to kill anyone… (awww…how considerate)

Emergency medical personnel determined that Bensley wasn’t on drugs, so instead he was put under a mental health hold, with $40,000 bond.
Police in New Russia Township, Ohio, arrested 21-year-old Andrew Whiteman who after getting drunk, tried to break into a convenience store, and told officers he was a century-old vampire who wanted to drink their blood and eat their kidneys. (Furthermore threatening to kill one of the cops and his children!) Cops had to put this want to be vampire king in restraints to calm his violent, but not undead, butt down.

Well True Blood had their season finale at the start of this week, so hopefully the season has had its finale on these types of arrests too.


About maggie.

Maggie Barnes is a nonprofit and for profit business content specialist / social media consultant; and social sciences web writer interested in everything from psychology and sexuality, to technology, race, and economics. She is passionate about good communication and information accessibility.


One thought on “True Blood Is Fictional, Vampires Are Not Real. (maybe you should write this down)

  1. Hi Maggie, this is the MOST ridiculous nonsense ever! LMAO!! Who are these super stupid people who think they are REAL vampires? I do not understand how someone could be led to believe something so very ridiculous. All they must do is ask themselves some very simple questions: Do I have super human strength? No. Can I survive on human food? Yes. Can I walk into the sun without dying or finding that I have shimmery-shiney skin? Yes. Hmm, well, all fingers point to me not being a vampire. DUH.

    Posted by Down the Rabbit Hole we go! | September 19, 2011, 7:00 pm

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